Of all the emotions, love is one of the most complex. While we’ve been led to believe that being in love is a pre-requisite to being happy, not all of us may be ready for it and all that comes with it.
In fact, how many of us understand what love is? It means different things to different people and figuring it out is a journey you may choose to take alone or with someone who gives you the space to discover yourself.
But a lot of us have some very creative excuses for staying away from love. The resistance is only natural because love is complicated and brings massive changes to one’s life. It’s a lot easier to put up a shield and complain that life’s not fair. Sounds funny?
See if you tick any of these stoppers to finding love.
- ‘Love is a beautiful feeling but things go wrong sooner or later because the other person will complicate it.’
“What kind of love is it that requires an angel and only an angel for its commitment?” – Toni Morrison (God Help the Child)
Sorry to break it to you but the butterflies in your stomach feeling is probably anxiety, not love. Love takes a lot of work and patience and knowing each other in spirit. In truth, you only love a person when you can take the bad and the good in the same breath. If not, you have a series of heartbreaks in store.
- ‘The one I love will blend into my life perfectly.’
You can’t really experience love if you’re unwilling to make any changes to your life. This is a very basic part of giving and receiving. And beware of someone who’s willing to change everything about themselves to fit into your life!
- ‘When someone truly loves me, all my problems will vanish.’
Placing your loved one on this pedestal is nearly abusive. You may think these are strong words but what’s really extreme is placing such high standards on another that they can never meet it. Taking responsibility for oneself makes taking responsibility for each other easy.
- ‘There is no formula to finding love. I’ll try different things and see.’
True. There isn’t really a formula but the attitude of ‘let me just see’ is quite non-committal. Whether you go for an arranged marriage or wait to bump into the right one or choose to find someone on a dating app, just testing the waters won’t do. It takes time and being mentally invested. Every other argument is just a defence mechanism of your fear of what might happen. If you never take a risk, you’ll never know.
- ‘I’m so happy being single. Why should I ruin it?’
That’s a question only you can answer. For all that it’s made out to be, love is not a cakewalk. It has a lot of good things – companionship, sharing, new experiences and feeling wanted but a lot else that people often overlook. Change being one of the most important. And then there’s complexity, responsibility and much else. So do answer this question to yourself before you take a step.