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A HEARTFELT LETTER TO MY FUTURE LOVER

 

Dear Future Lover,

I’m sitting at the corner table of my favorite coffee shop down the street today and while waiting for my signature hot chocolate with cream to arrive, I look around. I’m watching this young couple playing with their feet under the table and a group of friends laughing on an inside joke a little far away. The lady and the man in the other corner are discussing business and the mother and her child are arguing over a college trip.
I feel a little lonely today, not having anyone to talk to or discuss business with. Not having anyone to laugh or argue with or to play footsie under the table with. But that is okay, I tell myself.
One day you’ll be here, sitting right across the table, staring into my eye, smiling an irresistible smile while drawing circles on my palm with your long fingers. I will keep talking to you while you will keep listening to me without interrupting my undying energy and excitement to tell you about everything I’ve loved, hated, seen and achieved over the years. I will tell you about how I absolutely love the smell of coffee but the hate the taste of caffeine, how I saw a street kid help a blind man cross the road today, how I spent an hour playing with two dogs off the street last night and how I made a three course meal all by myself a week ago. I will tell you about things I have never dared to tell anyone but something in me will effortlessly make me blurt out everything to you. Probably because you’ll listen so intently and you won’t judge me for my atypical ways, instead you’ll keep staring into my eye, occasionally extending your arm to move the hair off my face. And when I will be done talking, you will insist me to tell you more. You will ask me about my hidden fears and secret dreams, my best song and favorite flavor of ice cream.  And I will unfold all of me to all of you, step by step, in front of your daunting eyes feeling vulnerable and yet comfortable in your lasting presence.

 

I will fall in love. I fall in love deeply with your whimsical ways. With how easily you can hold a conversation by just looking into my eye, with how delicately you breathe into my ear when you let out a whisper, with how passionately you talk about your goals and aspirations and how innocently you fall asleep as soon as the lights go off. I will fall in love with your paradoxes and your beautiful ways of complementing me. With every word you’ll say and every song you’ll sing, the heart will keep falling for you deeper and deeper until it reaches the bottom of the hole and there’s no coming back. And don’t you worry; I can stay in your dark hole forever, only if you dare.

 

I must tell you, I won’t be at my best all the time. There’re going to be times when I’ll retreat into my shell and behave irrationally without a plausible reason. You will feel like you’re talking to a wall because I’ll be too zoned out to say a word. There will be times I will weep and scream and shiver from the cold running through my veins. All I ask from you is to stay. Take me through my ugly without being scared of me. Trust me, I’m not bad, I’m only human.

 

I promise to give you everything I have got, not because you will be asking for it but because this I how I have learnt to love. I will love every bit of you, your scars, your pain, your frequent eccentricity, your moments of introversion; I will accept them all willingly and gracefully. You will not be perfect just like I am not, but that’s the power of falling in love, I’ll learn. You will seem perfect to me, as if I have been sent to the universe to be with you, to lie in your arms, to make conversations with you about stars and galaxies, oceans and mountains. You’ll belong to me and I’ll belong to you.

 

I don’t know what our future will hold. Perhaps you’ll marry me, perhaps you’ll not. But one thing is for certain, when we will be together, the sparkle in my eyes and the magic in your lips will make everything else seem like background noise. I hope you find me soon because the day you’ll see me and I will see you, we’ll know it was worth the wait, we’ll know what love is all about, how it’s like to finally find the one made for us.

 

Oh lover, what’s taking you so long?

 

-SHRAMONA PODDAR

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